Inspiration or Desperation?

I was looking at this intriguing Buzzfeed article that was created from submissions by the “Buzzfeed Community.” Their words not mine. People were asked to submit inspirational quotes that they use as their “life mantras”. Once again their words not mine. I would probably rather tell a room of people that I have chlamydia than tell them that I have a life mantra.

I look at articles like this with the sole intention of making fun of them, like the absolute witch that I am. I gently mock people that utilize these pseudo-profound scam statements on a fairly regular basis. Yes, I realize they are helpful to some people, but for me, my retinas burn at the sight of a quote photoshopped over nature, where the font sporadically changes roughly six times. You know the kind.

TRIGGER WARNING:

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Anyway, here are some little gems that were listed in the Buzzfeed article.

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars” – Oscar Wilde

I actually love Oscar Wilde and I started reading his plays from a very young age. He greatly influenced my writing style, and I really admire him. That being said this quote makes me want to use acid as eye drops so that I don’t have to ever see it again. This quote is really not even that inspirational in essence, and in reality it’s a bit pathetic. I feel like it is most realistically referring to a homeless person in Los Angeles that literally sleeps in the gutters. And by looking at the stars, he means that the homeless man is looking up to see Lindsay Lohan trying to purchase cocaine from him.

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This is a joke, I actually like Lindsay and I heard she has been dabbling in some philanthropy lately. You go, girl. Nothing says rehabilitation like a picture with underprivileged children. #saviorcomplex


“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.”  —Harvey Fierstein

Don’t be a victim. I actually like that. Someone send this to Taylor Swift.

Also sometimes you should be bullied into silence because what you are saying is stupid, rude, or offensive and you need to shut up. If you are in a room, and nobody is liking what you’re saying, chances are you are the asshole, and a little public shaming will do you some good. Stay humble.

“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.” – Cormac McCarthy

I love Cormac McCarthy, but honestly shut the fuck up. If something bad happened to me, like my car got hit in the parking lot, and someone said this to me, my bad luck would turn into their worse luck. That is code for I would hit them with my already dented in car. Because what better opportunity is there to do it? If that’s not inspiring then I don’t know what is. Instead of “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” it should be “when your car gets dented, maximize the damage and hit and run your enemies”- Anthea, Bold & Bitchy

“There isn’t a way things should be. There’s just what happens, and what we do.” —Terry Pratchett

This is so vague, how does someone find this inspiring? This would be like me telling someone “just like, live your life or whatever” and then them feeling like I just gave them a Ted Talk. I think I have more of an emotional response to watching Kristen Stewart deliver a completely dull and dead eyed acting performance than I do when reading this quote.

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” —African proverb

Thanks for that life changing proverb Africa, but I’d rather ride solo in both cases. I can go both fast and far by myself. #independentwoman. Destiny’s child taught me that.

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“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” —T. Roosevelt

Sounds like Teddy read “The Secret”. I hate the notion that your thoughts will eventually just manifest into results. I get what is being said, but people are taking it too literally. People are LAZY. Stop saying these things, it is only encouraging them to do NOTHING. If you are unemployed, and you feel as though if you think positively you will magically become employed, perhaps you should shut up and fill out some job applications. Your local Starbucks cannot magically receive your positive brain waves and relieve you of your impending apartment eviction.

And also I realize I am oversimplifying the meaning of “The Secret”. But before all of you yoga practicing lunatics, that inject freshly pressed kale into your blood stream through a 24/7 IV drip, and that are most likely reading this from the tree that they have established residency in, tell me that I am wrong, realize that I don’t care.

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If you want to become a raging delusional narcissist I highly recommend you give this a read.


“May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect.” —Chuck Palahniuk

This is literally the life mantra of a serial killer that uses it to justify the need for a higher body count, and to explain their psychological inadequacies.

If you say this you are probably really bitter that your life sucks and that you are bad at everything. Whatever helps you sleep at night I guess.

“Nothing in life is to be feared; it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more so that we may fear less.” —Marie Curie

Marie would take this back if she was living in 21st century America and she witnessed clowns roaming the streets and overly spray tanned reality stars becoming president. Some things should be feared, and they are impossible to understand.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

One time me and my friends did this when we went hiking and we got into trouble by the ranger people. Sometimes you should actually stay on path, because where there is no path, there are SNAKES. Always remember that paths are there for a reason. I mean this literally and metaphorically. Ponder that over.

“The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.” —Anonymous

This is a lie. You should try and be better than other people. Make other people look like shit to make yourself look better. Because then, no matter how bad you are, in comparison to someone else, you are still seen as more ideal. You would’t want Putin as a president, would you? But if your only option was between him, and Hitler, Putin starts looking pretty good. Life hack.

“In 20 years, you probably won’t even remember this.” –Anonymous

Oh my god. This quote is DEPRESSING. If this won’t matter in 20 years then why the fuck am I doing it? I get that this quote is most likely trying to minimize the bad things in life, but by doing that, it also kinda minimizes the good things… A fun game would be to say this quote to people that just achieved some success, that just did something really fun and amazing, or that are at a big important life event, and then observe their reaction. Bonus points if you say this to a bride on her wedding day.

“You can’t go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it’s just a cage.” —Terry Pratchett

WELL NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE YOU CAN’T. Honestly, what does this quote even mean? I personally think that people can go around building a better world for people, it’s called not being a self absorbed lunatic, and practicing empathy on a daily basis. This quote literally makes no sense and I would like to personally conduct an Oprah Winfrey style interview with the person that submitted it. They are probably the type of person that says “not my problem” in regards to almost every situation. And apparently it’s fine because Terry Pratchett, whoever the fuck that is, says its okay. Stop promoting passivity Terry.

The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has been before.” —Albert Einstein

Yeah like taken off the street, abducted, and locked in a basement torture dungeon. Thanks for that great advice Albert.

 

I hope this post didn’t come off as too negative, I am just of the personal belief that these type of “inspirational” statements are a waste of time, and just bland, blanket statements of truth written in a mildly poetic fashion. This does not mean that I am anti-positivity. I would just rather hear people say things in their OWN words. Stop relying on Basnky and John Lennon to let you know how you are feeling. They are self righteous ASSHOLES.

If you have your own life mantra, let me know what it is. I promise not to make fun of you. Maybe.

 

 

3 thoughts on “Inspiration or Desperation?

  1. I do like the Oscar Wilde quote, “A true friend stabs you in the front.” I’ve never researched whether that’s something he actually said. And I’ve never actually read anything by Wilde, so it could be way wrong.

    And I really want to start using the “In 20 years…” quote. I imagine hugging a bride and, instead of saying it was a lovely ceremony, whispering that to her. Or saying this at a funeral instead of words expressing condolences.

    Like

  2. If Marie Curie came back I’m sure she’d say “Nothing in life is to be feared… except handling radioactive isotopes without taking a single health and safety measure to protect yourself. Those fuckers will kill you and then long after you’re dead people won’t even be able to pick up your cookbook to read your (frankly excellent if I do say so myself) banana bread recipe because it’s radioactive as hell and would give you cancer.”

    Liked by 1 person

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