Social Media Shenanigans ft. Blac & Rob

You know those annoying couples that break up about as often as I get my subpar paycheck (once every two weeks). And then they make every single person in their life, even casual acquaintances, suffer right along with them. That is how I see Blac Chyna and Rob.

They are the couple that post pic-stitch collages of their rare happy moments for an irrelevant 3 and a half month anniversary. That’s not a real thing. They are that couple that are constantly and publicly talking on social media, as if cellphones don’t exist. If you are in a relationship like this, you need to break up immediately  and escape before you change your mind, never to be seen again. Like you are El Chapo escaping prison for the 3rd time.

Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian are that couple. The mess that transpired on social media last night was not only a desperate cry for attention, but it was so delusional and just completely self indulgent. It’s like the girl that gets into a minor car accident and then milks the situation for months. I’m talking fake neck brace and all. Every conversation will come back to it. That fender bender was the best thing that ever happened to her.

Blac Chyna loved her account getting hacked and her private texts being posted just about as much as Rob loved her taking the baby, and essentially everything else in his home. How did he even afford that house in the first place? I didn’t know failed sock lines could be so financially beneficial. Perhaps it was a loan from his little sis Kylie. The makeup business is really booming.

Rob’s pathetic plea on snapchat, as well as his subsequent meme posting on Instagram, was both tragic and too much. It reminds me of a similar chain of snapchats I put forth into the world when I was under the influence of excess amounts of NyQuil, and had a dangerously high fever. I posted a snapchat story that documented my struggles, and I proceeded to tell my Snap friends that I felt like I had been roofied. I then went on to allege that Tylenol and Advil are placebos, and that everyone was being scammed by the pharmaceutical industry. This fever induced snapchat fiasco was unnecessary, albeit entertaining. Very similar to how I feel about Rob’s.

Regardless of what was said and done by both parties, I think it can clearly be acknowledged that this was at least somewhat a contrived publicity stunt. I’m not saying it was founded entirely on lies and a thirst for publicity, but I mean, the majority of it probably was.

I major in public relations ,so I mean, I love a good publicity stunt. Everything from the Dove Real Beauty campaign, to the Marilyn Monroe skirt blowing photo op, to the torches of freedom tobacco scam, and all the way back to the Boston Tea Party. I love it all.

However, something about this was extremely irritating. The excessive dramatics all to promote a subpar television show on E! is completely unnecessary. Blac Chyna needs to focus on raising her newborn baby, along with her son that she has with that scrawny, irrelevant loser, Tyga. (Who the fuck even is Tyga how does he have money, does anyone even listen to his music??). And as for Rob, maybe if he put as much time into the production of his snapchat story and meme discovery as he did with his sock line then it wouldn’t have flopped so tragically. It flopped like Trump Steaks, or an American Idol contestant solo album, or like the Sonja Morgan toaster oven from Real Housewives of New York.

In summary, I hope that they just separate permanently, or say together and shut the fuck up. Handle things privately. Internalize your problems like the rest of us. Suffer in silence is a mantra to live by.

@blac, @rob contact me for more hot relationship tips.

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